How Childhood Scripts Shape Executive Reactivity
We often say, “Just pause when you feel triggered.” But here’s the catch: Pausing requires awareness in the moment—not after the fact. And most leaders don’t realize they’ve been reactive until the meeting ends, the adrenaline fades, and the reflection begins.
Why is that?
Let’s work through an example that resonates deeply with many of our clients.
The Setup
Imagine the eldest son in a family system where the father’s language is laced with comparison and dismissal:
- “You’re not good enough—look at your cousin.”
- “You think you’re smart? If you thought of it, anyone could.”
- “You think you can pull that off? You’re not special.”
- Even praise, when offered, comes wrapped in minimization: “Anyone could’ve done that—what’s the big deal?”
As children, many aren’t given the space to respond. So the energy builds. The body stores what the voice couldn’t express.
The Boardroom Replay
Fast forward to adulthood. This same person is now a leader—presenting an idea to a room of 20, maybe 40 people. Someone in the room says, “I’m not sure we can pull this off.”
The words are neutral. But the energy feels familiar.
Suddenly, the old wound is activated. The response that erupts isn’t to the colleague—it’s to the father. It’s the rebuttal that was never allowed. And it lands with a force far stronger than the moment required.
This is the moment the leader’s perception shifts within the group. The tone and emotional tenor of the team is altered. Trust begins to erode. People stop offering ideas, stop challenging assumptions, stop iterating toward excellence.
This is the moment the team gets demoralized— when contribution gives way to compliance. When “yes men” replace creative tension. When people feel their input, experience, and perspective no longer matter.
This is how reactivity distorts leadership. Not because the leader is irrational— but because the nervous system is still trying to finish a conversation that was never allowed to happen.
The Silent Tower Reframe
At Silent Tower, we don’t pathologize reactivity. We decode it.
Reactivity is patterned physiology—an echo of unfinished emotional business. And when leaders learn to spot these echoes, they gain the power to regulate before they react.
We help leaders reach the point where the first step—pause—actually becomes possible. Then we teach them to:
- Pause→ Sense the physiological cue
- Name→ Recognize the pattern (fight, flight, freeze, fawn)
- Regulate→ Use various somatic techniques to regulate the reaction
- Respond→ Speak from coherence, not defense
Because leadership isn’t about suppressing reactivity. It’s about regulating it faster than it spreads.
The Resonant Close
The most powerful leaders aren’t the ones who never react. They’re the ones who can recognize reactivity in real time— and return to presence before it shapes the system.
Because awareness isn’t the absence of reaction. It’s the speed of return. And the agility to juggle the reactivity boiling inside with the composure that coherence demands.
This is what we mean by Integrated Transformational Leadership: awareness that breathes, leads, and builds coherence wherever it stands.
